So, I’m waiting in line at my most besotted coffee joint (for tea mind you), when, fortuitously, the most baffling paradox occurred. A woman with her three little ones stood in front of me, clearly aware and intelligent; possessing the sweetest disposition! (Almost as sweet as my boys…well, er, my nephews).
I kindly turned to the mother to give her a vast compliment on how well behaved, socially aware, and intelligent her children seem; clearly a product of HER parenting. She smiled; beaming at her creations.
Then the most bizarre event transpired.
Subsequently, she inquired as realization of my astuteness divulged my youthful form,”Well, where are your children?” I simply replied,”I don’t have any.” Her face initially surprised soon turned to pity with assumption. “Oh..It must be hard on your that you cannot have any children.” I smiled,”No”, I replied. “I simply do not want any kids.” She looked superior as she assessed my response,”I see.. One day you will want something that is half of you that you created from your own body.” Now, I’m not one to let assumptions arise, so I set the record straight. “Actually..” I started..”I do not intend to have biological children. I simply do not want one. I many adopt later on in life, however, I do not want to give birth.” As if I betrayed her entire existence, she turned to her children, scooping them in her arms to console them while instructing,”Do not speak to that mean lady over there. You guys are not a mistake. I WANTED to have you!” Proceeding a dirty look, she walked away, appalled. As if I offended her for initiating a compliment towards her kids.
Yes, my secret is out. I do not intend to have a biological child, so please refrain from judgement. Now, make no mistake, I absolutely adore children! I deem them the most beautiful creation balanced with the right mount of innocence and intellect. They are the gate keepers of Heaven. God, woman, and man create the most precious phenomenon when a child is conceived. Pregnancy is the co-creation of life. Welcoming a child into a family (any arrangement of family), is such a perpetually blissful union; I can’t think of a more beautiful chain.
Children are charming! Their rolls on their thighs, their unconditional love, their inquisitive nature all sends my heart soaring when a midst their beauty and wonder. I receive daily dosages of their undertaking from my most fancied blogs written by various mothers. And I can’t imagine an other awesome boys like my nephews with their zeal for life and thirst for knowledge. They are bright, well spoken, and rally challenges just to overcome them. And yet, I have absolutely no desire to partake.
Here, I am simply voicing my two fold right as a woman to bring awareness. Motherhood is THE most impossible love, yet one of the most rewarding! With that established, I choose to not have a child this instance (which translates into the next 10 years) and if I am ever ready, I choose to adopt. I must assure you, I don’t know if I will ever be ready.
Reflecting the last few years, I realize this wasn’t my first paradox I had ever encountered. In fact, the work front, friends, and strangers have all shared the same inquiry of my lack of interest in child bearing. I find myself defending my right as a woman to choose what my will be. Isn’t this WHY we live in the land of freedom; simply to obtain freedom to be? All too many, countless women have initiated pity upon a choice that is FULLY mine. As if it makes me less of a woman to be 30 sans a child. I have been informed the older I get, the more I will want a child and pregnancy should be a bucket list item, you know, to remain fulfilled as a woman. Contrary, I wanted to be pregnant and mother a baby grown from my own body so badly when I was eighteen. As I matured, my feeling towards that have disagreed. By my mid 20’s I resolved I did not want a biological child. I have developed into my own, comprehending who I was becoming as a woman and resolved observing pregnancy was as close as I wanted to come as a co-creator. And yet I have been deemed selfish, inconsiderate, and irresponsible for my decision. Is it irresponsible to wait until I am secure in my career and finances to have a child? Is it selfish I choose to adopt KNOWING millions of orphaned children are abandoned each year and are in need of stable parents? Is it inconsiderate that I love my family with my husband at this juncture and wish it undisturbed from such an immense responsibility?
People have often questioned,”What will you do should you become pregnant?” If this occurs, I will certainly choose to keep my baby and assume my position as a parent, for all the days of my life. I do not believe in mistakes. With that established, I do not believe orphans are mistakes either. I rather choose to adopt than have my own simply to ensure no one child gets left behind. ‘Tis the ties of relationships and bonds that form families; one musn’t need to be blood to be sufficient.
And yet, to some women, they have expressed this isn’t enough; that I am somehow incompetent as a woman. Well, to be honest, their opinions are truly not my problem. I simply do not want a biological child.